Art and Love

Art and love. Are they related to you? Here is my experience. When I was in an abusive relationship, I lost touch with my natural ability to produce art. Specifically drawing, which has always been a comforting and easy part of my life. Like many things that felt natural to me before abuse and PTSD. 

My story is like that of many other women. I fell in love at 16. We met in history class, and became friends. But soon after we started having feelings for each other he was sent away to behavioral rehabilitation. 

We couldn’t talk for months. When we did, my heart broke for what he’d experienced. The day he returned, I was taken aback, he was a different person. What started as manipulation soon became emotional abuse. By the end of the relationship, my abuse had become physical. My now ex tried to kill me, and I fought for my life against someone I loved. 

I had a turbulent family life. Often hiding away in my room, or a quiet place outside to draw. Revisiting the same piece over weeks or months, and then naturally having a completed work. I felt safe and whole while making art, and found an identity within my ability to make works I was proud of.

When I looked at drawings I’d made during my abusive relationship they appeared hollow like I felt inside, and it was too painful. I had changed during my abuse. I felt the art no longer looked like I had made it. So I stopped drawing.

When I left the abuse, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Until I started drawing again. Then there was a switch like a guiding light through the dark. A road map. And I’ve clung to art with everything I have. Shaping myself along with each new piece and project.

A few months after leaving my ex, I flew home to Massachusetts and moved forward with my life. Making new friends, art, and reconnecting with people. I felt comfortable in my own skin again. After being home for another few months; my ex flew to Massachusetts and stalked me.

Eventually, I went to a hypnotherapy academy in New Mexico which concluded the stalking. I grew an even deeper trust and love for myself through my successes. I made connections with people in school and through another student I met my current and amazing partner. I’m now in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.

After the COVID-19 lockdown lifted my goal was to interact with people through art by having a booth. Working on my first collection felt like a dream come true. Paintings, clothing, and a coloring book. I’ve always wanted a book printed and I hadn’t expected it to come so soon.

Creating a coloring book has been a goal of mine because I loved them so much when I was younger. I still do! Imagining the person who made the drawings as I’m coloring inspires me. I’ve even sold copies to parents and their kids, and gifted them to my younger siblings.

My friends in New Mexico modeled the clothes that I customized, and we hired a professional photographer. It was one of the best days of my life. All my friends showed up and were extremely supportive. It was a seamless day and I felt truly in my purpose. I built a fun website to host my art, the first collection, and future pieces.

Each project is a love letter to myself, and a promise that I will make it through and overcome my experiences. I am so grateful to have a relationship with art and with myself again. I hope that everyone can reconnect and indulge in whatever makes them feel whole and like they can be themselves. A safe place. Like art has been for me.

Isis B.